why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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