yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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