She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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