oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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