he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
