someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
