Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
