idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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