When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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