I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
