If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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