I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
