Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
