I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
