My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
