I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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