you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
