Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize