Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
