i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
