If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
