we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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