Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
