wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
