I think im going to throw up on grandma
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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