Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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