Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So. Much. Porn.
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