time to smoke my breakfast
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
