the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's like iHOP with fire
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
