McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
