I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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