OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
