True but thats because hes a fetus.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize