I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
