some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize