dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
