YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
