If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I want is dick and wine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
