I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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