About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
