Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
