I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
