We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
