Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
