The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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