The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
