I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
