I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
