i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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