Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
