I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize