she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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