it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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