WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
