DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
how drunk are you?
Several
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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