Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
