Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think people are normalizing furries
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
