I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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