Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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