I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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