sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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