That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
