I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
