also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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