You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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