smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
