I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
