i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
