You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
