my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we're so committed to being not committed
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