just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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