If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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