There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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