glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize